You might have noticed that the frequency of writing for this blog has gone down. That’s because I am now working at the Phoenix Counseling Collective, and I’ve been working on their blog. I haven’t written any solos yet, (those are coming soon) but together, we have written blogs about
Well folks, it has been a long time.
Too long, probably, but I have a very important topic to talk about.
Couples Therapy! Whenever I think of "Couples Therapy" that clip pops into my head from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
When I meet with couples or individuals about their relationships they wonder about their future.
"Will we stay together?"
"Will I get hurt?"
"Will he change?"
These questions are ones that we all wrestle with. No one wants to get hurt. No one gets married thinking, "I'm excited to get divorced in 3 years."
But it still happens.
I love the show This is Us. It's such an experience for me. I get into my comfy clothes, snuggle up on the couch with my husband, and (pending technology's cooperation) we watch and laugh and mostly cry. In one of the last episodes of this past season, there was a moment when I thought, "The writers of this show HAVE to be therapists."
I truly hope that you are having a lovely Christmas season.
But sometimes, Christmas is just sad. Whether it be broken relationships, loved ones that you wish were still here, broken dreams, single-ness, or broken families, sometimes this time of year is just really hard.
More and more I'm hearing that people aren't sleeping well. Clients, friends, and family are all having trouble.
When you don't get good sleep it makes you grumpy, it compromises your immune system, it makes you gain weight, it inhibits you from effectively managing your emotions, and it negatively impacts your relationships.
There is a lot that goes into preserving your marriage, but the one thing that I've seen destroy marriages over and over again is dishonesty.
Dishonesty is a marriage killer.
The ability and willingness to be honest with your spouse does more prevention than it ever gets credit for.
So what can you as a single person do to help yourself be honest when you don't even have a partner yet?
"Don't do it."
Haha, kidding. =] More on that later...
My colleague, Rachelle, wants to invest in your marriage AND your big day. She feels so strongly about it that she is doing a FREE 5-day workshop for you. I do hope that you'll take her up on this opportunity.
A friend recently asked me how to know if she should break up with her therapist.
Apparently, if you don't go to graduate school for counseling/marriage and family therapy/social work, this isn't something that you've probably learned in your life!
It can be hard to find the right person to help you with your struggles.
Not every counselor is going to be a good fit with every person.
There is a beauty that has been lost in our culture today. The beauty of small town friends who grow into loving each other is much rarer than in days past. We have gained the endless options of mates to be found on match.com, eharmony, bumble, tinder, christian mingle. This makes us think that somehow, people are better. There has to be a better option.
We all want to have healthier, happier relationships, whether romantic or otherwise.
We long for deep connection with other people. We were wired for intimacy and deep connections with a few close, trusted people.
If you want to boost your relationship satisfaction there is a seemingly counter-intuitive, way to do this.
Women (and men) often find themselves being violated. They set up boundaries and other people don't respect those boundaries. Violating another human being in a sexually aggressive way is absolutely unjustifiable. Manipulating another person for one's own sexual gratification is absolutely wrong. But, for some reason, it continues to happen.
This blog post is for single people. If you are not currently married, then keep on reading.
Before you begin a new relationship- end your current one.
This sounds basic, but it isn't!
You have trouble knowing which guy is the right guy. You feel all these feelings for him, but you're stuck.
Feelings are fleeting.
They aren't enough to make a relationship healthy because feelings are always changing.
Ah! You think. I know- I'll be logical about it! I'll make a pro/con list!
Meet Jessi. She's pictured below.
She's going to tell us about a dating mistake she made, and how you can avoid it.
It feels ironic to be writing a blog post about over-analyzing. I feel like it might add more fuel to the fire and give you more information to over-analyze.
But if you read this post and ACTUALLY apply it- you'll be and feel and function better!
I hear this all the time. "I am so over the dating scene. I'm taking a break from dating!"
Then, a week later, you're back on Eharmony, Christian Mingle, Match, Plenty of Fish, or whatever Christian dating site you're currently using. It's like an addiction. It may make you feel better that you're taking yourself out of the game for a minute or two. If you need a breather, that's fine! But if you want to have a little more purpose with your break, keep reading.
You've been talking to this girl for awhile now. She seems to like you a lot. You definitely like her and you want to move forward, but how the do you know when it is time to move forward?
Here are 4 questions to ask yourself before moving forward in a dating relationship:
I'm not going to give you some cliché answer that your friend might give you post-break-up. I won't say that he wasn't good enough for you, or he sucks or he doesn't even know what he's walking away from. Those are fine things for your friend to say if they are true. It's awesome to have great friends who give you encouragement in that crappy moment.
But, I'm not your friend so I'm going to give you something better. A takeaway for your next relationship to end differently- or not at all.