Is there a Soul Mate for everyone?

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soul mate for everyone." ~Natasha Bedingfield in her song Soul Mate

I love music. I love the way it can make us feel things more powerfully, and can even healthily purge us at times.

But I also am a logical thinker. So I like to break down lyrics and really analyze them. I don't want to listen without considering the words that I'm ingesting.

So let's break this down Natasha. I hear you in the first phrase. "Who doesn't long for someone to hold?" Yeah, longing for someone to hold and to hold you is such a powerful feeling. It can be super lonely and depressing and super hard.

You lose me when you say "who knows how to love you without being told" Who can know how to love you without being told?!? That is setting up an unrealistic expectation for our significant other. You HAVE to tell people how to love you. No one can read minds. Not psychologists or magicians or even therapists or coaches! You still have to people them how you love to be loved.  This goes for lovers, parents, children, friends- ANYONE you're in a relationship with. You need to offer real-time feedback. "When you come home and give me a real squeeze, that makes me feel so loved and connected with you." Or "When you give me flowers on our anniversary, it makes me feel so secure in our relationship."

Things like that. It may not feel magical in the moment- but it will help your relationship to flourish. A relationship founded on honesty has a solid foundation to grow!

"Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soul mate for everyone."

This one I completely disagree with. You get married and then you become soul mates through years of hard work and compromise. (I call it mutual submission, but that's another post for another day). Reality check: SOUL MATES ARE NOT REAL. (If by some chance you do happen to find one be careful! They might change on you! People are always growing and changing- at least healthy people should be!)

Yes, you may be "in-love" or "in-fatuated" at times. But there is not ONE solitary single person in the world that you are SUPPOSED to be with. If you're a reasonable human being you could make a relationship work with another reasonable human being (most likely.) And yes, of course, some people are more compatible than others. But don't waste your life wondering and worrying about finding THE ONE, or asking yourself "IS THIS THE ONE??" You'll make yourself crazy because the answer is NO. There is no one perfect soul mate (other than God) who will never let you down and always make you feel fulfilled. So stop looking for that. Your time is way better spent working to better yourself. Ask yourself if you have the character qualities that you're looking for in other people. Do you want someone kind, generous, and goal-oriented? Ask yourself: "Am I kind? Am I generous? Am I goal-oriented?" If not- work for those qualities that you're looking for.

What you focus on you create. Focus on your strengths and where you can build from there. You'll start to notice yourself grow those qualities in yourself. Think about the impact THAT will have on your interactions with others.