Couples Therapy

Well folks, it has been a long time. 

Too long, probably, but I have a very important topic to talk about. 

........drumroll please: 

Couples Therapy! Whenever I think of "Couples Therapy" that clip pops into my head from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

It gets me every time. 

I do couples therapy, and in fact I'm looking to increase my ratio to have half of my caseload be couples or relationships. 

I will say, if, like Kate Hudson and Matthew McConoughey in the above movie, you have been in a relationship for only 7 days and you are already wanting therapy, it probably means that it is not the right relationship for you (or you need to do some individual work before you're ready for a relationship- in which case feel free to peruse the other blogs!) 

BUT, if you have been together for more than 3 months and you're invested in the relationship, but unsure if you should be 100% committed, then therapy might be a good idea! 

A client was preparing for a couples therapy session the other day, and she asked me, "How should I prepare for couples therapy? What should I walk in with?" 

This is what I said, "Couples counseling is NOT a basketball game with a winner and a loser and points." 

I want to elaborate on that idea here. As a couples therapist, I am NOT a referee for your NBA game where you are throwing elbows and scoring points to see who "wins" and who is "right" or "wrong." 

In fact, couples therapy is more like the Avengers. Maybe you and your partner are like Captain America and Iron Man. The enemy that they are fighting is not each other, it's whatever aliens or evil power that is creeping onto earth. But their way of relating to each other can get in the way of fighting the true enemy.

For couples in my office, the alien, or evil power or whatever, the evil that they are fighting is the pattern in the relationship. 

In couples therapy, what I do is help people:

  1. See if they can come together to fight their pattern 

  2. Kick their pattern to the curb

  3. Create a new pattern that makes them feel like true partners

Therapy is a safe space to explore your feelings, explore your partner's feelings, and learn about your patterns in relationships. It takes a lot of self work. It also takes a lot of patience- patience with your partner and patience with yourself. 

None of us is perfect. We all have wounds and parts that get triggered, and at the same time, in a way we all are superheros too- like the Avengers. 

Each person in the couples that I see is strong, with unique gifts, talents and abilities. When couples come together some pretty awesome stuff can happen. They can change generational patterns that have been around for centuries. They can offer the world a picture of what love really looks like. But both people have to come to the table willing to work, willing to be honest, and willing to stick it out together. It's not easy, but it is possible. 

If you want to partner up with your partner and change your pattern (whew, that's a lot of p words) feel free to contact me

Until next time,